Miraculum
“Miraculum─an old Latin word meaning “something wonderful”─is a striking interposition of divine intervention by a supernatural being in the universe by which the ordinary course and operation of Nature is overruled, suspended, or modified.”─defined by WikiPedia
Wooooooow! What an opening salvo! What was that all about? What am I leaning to? Well, to tell you the truth, I believe that a miracle happened today, and I will profess my testimony here for everybody to know.
For a couple of months already, I had been blessed with good stuff and I haven’t even noticed it. I will attempt to enumerate some these. And here it goes…
the beginning.
Last year, after much thought, soul-searching, planning and preparing, I have proposed to my then-girlfriend-now-wife Maricel in time for her birthday. It had been a couple of weeks already when we had begun the planing of our wedding─which we intended to do for about a year─when we learned that we were going to be parents!
Wow! That was surreal. I never thought myself as a Dad! I hated kids! Sure they were cute and cuddly, but mostly, they were─to me─annoying young human beings. The pregnancy, in general, came as a surprise to her, but to me, well, let’s just say that I wasn’t as surprised as her. As I recall, part of me intended it to happen. Well, I’m really not sure. All I know is that I was overwhelmed by emotions when I learned that she was pregnant. We embraced the pregnancy and thought of it as a blessing instead of a problem.
the apartment.
I then had the opportunity to move to a bigger place which I had been eyeing for a long time. The place is bigger (almost twice the size of my then-current unit), higher (fresher air, I suppose), and was more secluded (away from the main road, so no more noise at the wee-hours of the morning, no more smoke from public utility vehicles, no more heat from direct sunlight).
As we moved in, I also bought a gas stove for ourselves, mostly for Maricel, so that she could start practicing her cooking skills which had been hampered by a single “burner” electric stove. It was so hard to cook on that darn thing. It takes forever to cook anything!
the future.
At this time, my baby has been growing faster and faster and was getting more obvious by the week. I had been thinking of the welfare of my then-girlfriend and my baby for some time now, and after much thought, I decided that it was for the best that we get married now. Legally, it was all for the better. There is no question that everybody will benefit from it─mostly, my unborn child. I also was concerned about what my then-girlfriend’s colleagues would think. Though I know a number of them, there were still some I don’t know and may judge her unfairly. I said to myself, why should I delay the wedding? Why should we wait? I love her, she loves me. I have committed myself to her, and now, to my baby. We are a family now. Why wait for it to be official? And so we did!
the baby.
Anticipation about our baby has been steadily growing inside of us and so on our next visit to our OB-GYN, we had to ask when we should be expecting the schedule for our next ultrasound. She said normally she schedules the next one between the 22nd to the 24th week. Sensing that we were so eager, she added that it was fine to have one now, though there aren’t any medical merits from doing the procedure.
It was baby’s 18th week. We decided to go through with it. We want an ultrasound. We want to see our baby.
On that day, I brought my camera. On the first ultrasound we had, when baby was still an embryo, I was completely out-of-my-mind. I forgot to take a video─Hell! I forgot to bring a camera. At that time, all I had was my N80, which actually has camera/video recording capabilities─and yet, I forgot that too! I told myself, that this time, I’m going to prepare. This time, I’m going to make sure I preserve the experience!
On the first 30 seconds of the video, I saw it! I learned that my baby is a boy, a very malikot and playful boy! This fact has changed something in me─my perception of having a kid, or being a dad? Well, honestly I don’t know. Now, as I think about it, I guess, it really didn’t matter if my baby were a boy or a girl. I guess, the idea that I learned something about my baby, something new, made me feel closer to him. I guess it’s because I learned more about him. That he is a him. That I am one step closer to know who my baby is. That’s it! I am knowing him now, and in time, he’ll know me!
christmas.
Then came Christmas, well, you know the story here (I posted it on my previous blogs). Though, you haven’t seen the gifts we received from my sister. Something that’ll remind us of our baby. I got a pillow in the form of a feeding bottle with the words, “I’m a boy!” printed on it. My wife got a pillow too, this time, a real pillow also with words printed on it and it read, “If you think I’m cute, you should see my mommy!” These were great presents!
New year. My wife and I decided to spend the new year together. Yes, only the two… err, three of us. I told myself that my family needs to be together and celebrate the new year intimately. Christmas was already spent with our families, but this time, I said, I want Daddy, Mommy, and son to be alone.
the unexpected.
Everything was perfect. Then came January 2. The second day of the year. My wife and I were looking for a medical facility that offers prenatal tests that our OB-GYN requested. I forgot the exact terminology, but it has something to do with screening for congenital abnormalities. Since the holiday vacation is just about to end most OB-Sonographers were still on vacation.
We were lucky to find that one health center has an OB-Sonographer available. Or so I thought…
She did the ultrasound, and finally, when she was finished, she said that she’ll be writing her findings in her report. She said that she saw something and that our OB-GYN will be the one who will explain everything.
When she said that, I gulped. I understood that it wasn’t good. I was now more concerned about my wife. We stepped out of the Echo room. Both speechless. Both unable to utter anything. Then I asked her why she’s quiet. She said she was worried. From then on, I told myself, I should be strong. I shall be strong for the both of us. I will not succumb to my emotions! I must be strong! I must be strong!
After waiting, the result was out. “To consider Ventriculomegaly”. My wife couldn’t understand. What does it mean? I didn’t either. But I’m a very resourceful person. I searched the net using my phone. I just couldn’t wait. I had to know what it meant.
Ventriculomegaly is a brain condition that occurs when the lateral ventricles become dilated. The most common definition uses a width of the atrium of the lateral ventricle of greater than 10 mm. This occurs in around 1% of pregnancies. When this measurement is between 10 and 15 mm, the ventriculomegaly may be described as mild to moderate. When the measurement is greater than 15mm, the ventriculomegaly may be classified as more severe. Enlargement of the ventricles may occur for a number of reasons, for example due to loss of brain volume (perhaps due to infection or infarction), or due to impaired outflow or absorption of cerebrospinal fluid from the ventricles. Often, however, there is no identifiable cause. The interventricular foramen may be congenitally malformed, or may have become obstructed by infection, hemorrhage, or rarely tumor, which may impair the drainage of cerebrospinal fluid, and thus accumulation in the ventricles. This diagnosis is generally found in routine fetal anomaly scans at 18–22 weeks gestation. It is one of the commonest abnormal brain findings on prenatal ultrasound, occurring in around 1-2 per 1000 pregnancies. In many cases of mild ventriculomegaly, however, there is resolution of ventriculomegaly during the pregnancy.
I couldn’t decide if I would tell my wife or not, but I had to tell her something. She was looking at me. Asking me, impatiently she said, “Ano yun B? Ano ibig sabihin non?” I must be strong. I must be strong. I have to decide. I’ve decided.
“Ventriculomegaly. Parang may bumara sa ventricles kaya nag-clog or something. Sa brain yun.“
She cried. Not hysterically. But it was the most painful sight I have ever seen. The love of my life, the woman I married, the one who is carrying my son. Trying to be strong. But was pained straight at the heart. Now with tears flowing from her eyes.
I must be strong. I must be strong. I told myself. I will not let this affect my family. I must keep positive. I must overcome this. I will lead our family to face this head-on. I will be strong for my family.
As we were walking away from the clinic, not knowing where to go, both with deep thoughts, I asked her. “Gusto mo uwi na tayo? Or gusto mo tuloy tayo sa lakad natin mamaya?” She simply said, “Ikaw… kahit ano…”
That day, we were invited to go Karaoke with good friends. But after what happened earlier, how were we supposed to be happy and enjoy the “gimmick”.
We must be strong. We must be strong. I told myself. We will not let this affect our family. We must keep positive. We must overcome this. We shall face this as a family. We will be strong for our family.
I told her. “Let’s pray to God that this isn’t true. Either way, whatever the result, let’s wait for doktora’s advice, let’s see what she’ll say then ask her for the best possible way to overcome this, ok? Don’t worry, I’m here. We will get over this. We will be together through-and-through, ha? I love you…”
And so, we went and met our friends, everybody had a good time. Of course, deep in our hearts, we were still worried. I know my wife. I sense her troubles. Knowing her, she senses mine. We both know we were doing our best to be strong, to not worry “too much”. It wouldn’t be healthy. It wouldn’t do any one of us any good, including our son.
We met our OB-GYN the next day. I took an emergency leave. She was suddenly serious when she read the report. She said, “I will ask you to do a re-scan, but I will ask you to go to Dra. Sol Pangan at St. Luke’s. Magaling siya. She will look at this and she’ll tell us if this is true. Let’s hope this this isn’t true. Let’s pray that it’s not. Do not worry kasi nararamdaman ng baby yan. Stay positive. Let’s pray that this isn’t true.“
So we went that Saturday. We had an appointment at 11am. I was ready to leave at 8am. We took a cab, was in before 10am.
St. Luke’s Medical Center is like a hotel. Even the billing and payment center was remarkably quick and organized. I wished banks were like this! Coffee was even free. Brewed pa!
We waited at the main waiting area for about an hour (since we came early), then it was time. Inside was another waiting area just outside the bedrooms where procedures are done. My wife was called and asked to wait there. I had to remain where I was to be called later to join when my wife enters in one of the bedrooms. While I was waiting. I prayed. I prayed the rosary.
the prayer.
Eventually, the noise was too much a distraction for me. I decided to leave the waiting area and go to the nearby chapel, which we earlier had passed by on our way to the center. I sent SMS to my wife telling her I’ll be staying at the chapel, and will wait for her call or message when it was her turn.
As I entered the chapel, emotions overwhelmed me. I was embarrassed because it had been a long time since I went inside God’s place. I was ashamed that I am seeking His help now, when I needed it, because I was going to ask a favor. I felt really low. I felt really sad. I felt remorse. I was so ashamed of myself.
I took out the rosary from my bag. The rosary used to hang on my car’s rear-view mirror. It was as a sign of protection. It was supposed to “ward-off” bad stuff like accidents and the like. Ironic. I had some accidents with and without the rosary in the car. And on each accident, I hardly noticed that the rosary was there. It was just there. Like my car perfume, hanging on the rear-view mirror.
The night before, I took the rosary from the car, my wife not knowing. I was concerned that she’ll catch me holding it and think that I’m doing this as a last course of action. I was afraid that she’ll interpret our situation as a “dead-end”. But truthfully, I really didn’t know what else to do…
I sat in the chapel. I asked God for forgiveness. I was sorry for not being a Christian. I forgot my role in His church. I was so ashamed. The person that is me… The things I’ve done. The things I ignored. The things I’ve forgotten. I couldn’t fathom how He could hear my prayer.
I knelt down and continued my prayer. I’ve tried my best to shut every thought that has been interrupting my prayer. I read the prayer booklet that I have and understood the words that I read. I recalled the events enumerated by each Mystery of the rosary. All 15. The “stations of the cross”. I was humbled. Remorseful. And I talked to God. I said, “Lord, you know what I am asking of you right now. But how could I to ask you these after all that I’ve done? I’m sorry Lord. I now understand, Lord. Whatever happens today, whatever my baby’s condition is, I will accept. I will continue to pray regardless of my baby’s condition. My wife and I will continue to pray to You. We shall pray for Your guidance. We shall continue to pray for strength in whatever trials we encounter. Through prayer, we shall be strong. I love you, Lord. And I’m so very sorry.”
I walked out of the chapel and proceeded to the center. When I entered, a nurse looked at me and said, “Mr. Martinez?” and showed me in. Turns out the procedure was almost done. They were the the final checks on the baby. To my surprise, there were 3 doctors in the room while there were two monitors. I could see my baby. He’s moving. I saw his face, his mouth, this nose. He moved again. Wow! Long fingers. He moved again. This time, covering his mouth which I caught opening and closing. Finally, the eldest doctor (who turned out to be Dra. Sol Pangan) said, “The baby’s ok. Ok naman siya. Walang problem.” I was confused and excited! Was there really nothing? Was the other ultrasound faulty? Were they sure?
We stepped out of the bedroom and was advised to come back after a hour for the official copy of the report. My wife and I talked. I was very eager to know what happened. She said the three doctors said there was no sign of Ventriculomegaly. By this time, we were walking away from the center and approaching the chapel. For the first time, in 3 days, I was truly relieved. I was so overwhelmed that I cried when I was telling her, “Baby, I prayed… I prayed to God and asked Mama Mary for help. She helped me pray. Let’s pray and give her thanks, and thank God.”
And so we did.
the lesson.
There had been plenty of “good stuff” but I only noticed the “bad stuff”. I had realized that I rant the things I don’t like from people but failed to see the good in them. I had realized that I had been blessed by God and I failed to thank Him. I am humbled.
A miracle has happened today… and I have come to realize that every day is a miracle.
